Who I am according to Tarot

Saw this entry on Xtiane's blog about Tarot card readings... Since I'm in school on lovely a Saturday morning and my damn groupmates are already 1 hour late for our meeting I am totally bored. With nothing else to do, I took the blasted test. According to the Tarot gods, I am:



I am The Hanged Man

The Hanged Man reminds us that the best approach to a problem is not always the most obvious. When we most want to force our will on someone, that is when we should release. When we most want to have our own way, that is when we should sacrifice. When we most want to act, that is when we should wait. The irony is that by making these contradictory moves, we find what we are looking for.

What do I say? I think having a Tarot card by the name of "The Hanged Man" is pretty damn cool!! The only problem is the definition pretty much sux!! In no way am I what this Tarot card portrays me to be. So... im again gonna take control of my destiny dammit!! This is my Hanged Man Tarot card:


Mike the Hanged Man

Like the Gods of Norse Mythology, I am great! I am marvelous and spectacular! Yet at the same time, destiny is heavy upon my shoulders... Ragnarok nears and it is inevitable. Godly I may be, but there is nothing that can prevent its coming. There will come a time when I will finally graduate from college and I will have to start working. The days of being a lazy bummeth will thus, come to a conclusion. Yes... Ragnarok is coming. I am screwed.

Now there's a card that defines me!! Ooohh Yeah!!

My Top 10 Cover Songs of All Time

I’ve been hearing a lot of cover songs on the radio as of late (nakikita ko rin ung mga videos nila, kadalasan olats). A lot of Filipino acts do cover songs (MYMP, Paolo Santos etc.), some even come up with whole albums of them (Nina and Regine Velascuez).

Some people hate cover songs, but I don’t. Don’t get me wrong though, siyempre naasar din ako pag me nambababoy ng mga astig na kanta (e.g. Britney Spears and her rendition of I love Rock ‘n Roll comes to mind). But there are instances when artists take songs and make them their own, sometimes even making them, in my opinion better. Sometimes an artist can take a song and introduce it to a whole new generation.

So I came up with this list of my favorite cover songs of all time. They are ranked from 10 to 1 (one being the best, duh!). Some people may disagree with my list, that’s perfectly fine, it’s my list dammit!

10. I DON’T WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND by Nina
-This song was big a few months back. Nina did her Mariah Carrey thing and took this new wave song by Cindy Lauper and added some diva-ish flavor.

9. BABY CAN I HOLD YOU TONIGHT by Boyzone
- I’m not really a fan of boybands, but I think Ronan “Mr. I’m-singing-through-my-nose” Keating and co. (bading ung isa sa kanila dib a?) did a great job rendering this Tracy Chapman original (Sobra stupid lang nga ng video).

8. WAITING IN VAIN by MYMP
- Doobie music! Accoustic style! Bob Marley should be saluting MYMP with his weed pipe for the great job they did on his song (ganda ng boses ng girl ng MYMP, simple lang pero swabe).

7. WITH OR WITHOUT YOU by Utada Hikaru
-I saw this J-Pop princess’ version of my favorite U2 song in a MTV Unplugged show. I like her voice and she’s pretty cute too. Her song Automatic made it to the Philippines around 2000. For those of you who are wondering, Utada Hikaru is not the chick who hangs out with Dice & K9.

6. SMOOTH CRIMINAL by Alien Ant Farm
- I don’t know if they were paying homage or mocking the King of Pop with this cover song, but Alien Ant Farm’s smooth criminal rocks (eto nga lng cool nilang kanta eh)! They took one of Wacko Jacko’s greatest songs (we sometimes forget that this wierdo made a lot of great tunes), and added some punk flavor. Plus, the video is hilarious!

4. TAINTED LOVE by Marilyn Manson
- When I heard Marilyn Manson’s version of this Cure classic, a got a whole new meaning to the term “Tainted Love”. He (or she) makes it sound so… evil (but in a good way). Manson’s version of this song reminds me of the Vampire Lestat (The rock star vampire in Anne Rice’s “The Vampire Chronicles”).

3. TORN by Natalie Imbruglia
- Yep, this song is a cover. It was first sang by Edna Swap (cno un!?) from an album called Wacko Magneto (Ano un!?). That’s the reason this song is on my list! Apparently Natalie Imbruglia took a song that nobody cared about and made it such a monster hit!! Edna Swap probably wants to rip her head off and piss on her skull…

2. THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD by Nirvana
- Kurt Cobain and company did an unplugged version of this David Bowie original a few months before he blew his freakin’ brains out. He probably thought of the song as sort of a pre-death eulogy or something. It’s my favorite Nirvana song, and God knows how I loved Nirvana growing up! PUNKS NOT DEAD Woohoo!!

1. KNOCKIN’ ON HEAVEN’S DOOR by Guns and Roses
- Guns and Roses were the last of a dead breed of Rockstars. They were the last of a breed of musicians who depicted themselves as “larger than life”. They were the last of the Rockstars who drew themselves up to be gods among men. Yes, Axel Rose and Slash were the gods of my youth, and Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door was my anthem. I loved this song even before I knew Bob Dylan was behind it. In my mind, Guns and Roses took a great song by a great musician and made it their own. In my opinion, that is truly something great.

"Tooning" Natalie Portman

I’m supposed to be having my immersion starting today, but if you read my previous post, you know it’s not happening right? Right…

Since I had nothing else better to do today (wasn’t in the mood for much anyways, and the TV shows pretty much sucked), I decided to play around with Adobe photoshop. I’ve been seeing a lot of “cartoonized” pictures on magazine ads and on the internet recently so I’ve been experimenting making a few. My last attempt was totally hideous to say the least. I made Sophia Bush (the cute girl who plays Brooke in One Tree Hill) look like Michael Jackson for crying out loud. This time, I decided to make one using a photo of myself (my grad pic to be precise, don’t ask me why I have one when I haven’t even graduated yet), but I apparently deleted the copy from the PC. So, I decided to use a celebrity photo instead. I saw a cute pic of Natalie Portman in Kabo’s blog and decided to use it instead. Here’s the photo:



Now here’s the photo after I “cartoonized” it:



I think it’s pretty decent, though a lot more improvements can be made, especially the eyes and hair. What do you guys think?

Mike’s Post of Rage

Yesterday, something very bad happened to me. I wasn’t able to go to the immersion orientation last Monday because my group leader didn’t tell me there was an orientation. So yesterday I went to OSCI to attend another one. There wasn’t another one. The girl behind the OSCI desk was very uncooperative. Bottom line is I’m going to miss the immersion this Friday and there is only a slim chance I get to go to another immersion site at another date. The immersion is a requirement of my TH141 class. These two people (my group leader and the girl behind the OSCI desk) made me mad. So, I am now going to take a page of Charles’ book by letting out my frustrations in this post.

Disclaimer:
If you are offended by foul language, please stop reading. Please bear with me, I am merely releasing pent up frustration.

*Mike takes a deep breath*

Putang ina kang hayop na group leader ka!! Ano ba naman ung sabihin mo sa akin na may orientation nung Monday ng 4:30!! Mahirap bay un!? Tapos tatanungtanungin kita kung bakit di mo sinabi, sasabihin mo “kasi hindi ako nagtanong”. Fuck You Asshole!! Nung sinali ako sa group mo BY FORCE kasi 2 lang kayo, I should have gotten the message that you’re a motherfucking loser!! Papagawa ka pa ng review notes na deadline ng August 2, tapos mag na nag ka sobra, tapos isusubmit mo ng August 15 kasi hindi mo pa tapos yung part mo!! Tang ina mo! Palusot ka pa na marami ka kasing ginagawa!! Hayop!! Ilan beses mo ako rinemind about the fucking review notes?! 6 na beses gago!! Ilan beses mo ko rinemind about ung orientation!? Zero you prick!! Hindi ka pa patay sinusunog na kaluluwa mo sa impyerno gago!!

As for you, you stupid stuck up bitch, porke alam mo na requirement ng mga students ung immersion sobrang high and mighty mo!! Ina mo!! I tried being polite dammit, it isn’t my fault that my group leader is GALACTICALLY STUPID!! Pero you didn’t even lift a fucking finger!! Screw you!! Tinanong kita kung ano mga options ko, sabi mo “magdasal”! MAGDASAL!? That’s the best you can fucking come up with!? ARRRGGGGHHHH!!! Siyet!! Tapos magsusubmit lang ako ng medical, dami dami mo pang sinabi hayop ka! Well, since hindi naman ako makakasama sa immersion, you can take my medical, dust it off, fold it up real nice, turn the sunnavabitch side ways and stick it up your tight ass bee-atch!! IF YA SMELL WHAT THE MIKE IS COOKING!!!

Pasalamat kayong dalawa na olats ung cellphone ko at wala camera, kung hindi, nakapost din sana mga mugshots nyo dito dammit!!

Phew. Now that its off my chest, I feel a lot better. :D

The Girl Next Door

Last Saturday, I visited my mom ‘cause she had a mild stroke (nasobrahan daw sa stress, ‘di ko naman cguro kasalanan XD). What kind of ungrateful son would I be not to visit my sick mom right? So I cancelled my other plans and dropped in on my mom. When I got there, she was feeling a lot better thankfully, but she still needed to rest. That being the case, she was mostly asleep the whole time I was there. So, I had to find a way to entertain myself for a couple of hours. Solution? Watch a pirated DVD (my mom built up quite a selection since the last time I visited).

The movie I chose was “The Girl Next Door”. Its pretty old, it came out in 2004. I know ‘cause I saw ads for it in the internet (Yahoo movies etc.) around that time. The movie poster got me curious (a picture of some hot chick with an extreme “come hither” look does that to me). The funny thing was, it never came out in the Philippines. After watching the movie, I can understand why.

The story is about a high school senior who lives a boring life (you know, no girlfriend, no social life, the works), until he meets, Danielle (played by Elisha Culthbert) the super hot babe who just moved in next door and for some reason totally digs him. They fall in love, fast (happens in the first 30 min. of the movie, unlike the typical loser-gets-hot-momma-movie where they fall for each other 10 minutes before the ending credits). Then, he finds out that Danielle is actually a PORNSTAR (his friend shows him one of her movies). Our hero then goes through the paces of saving this girl from her profession in some extraordinary circumstances (one involving WWE wrestler Matt Morgan) until they live happily ever after. The end.

Suffice to say, the movie was filled with loads of sexual content (more than any American Pie themed movie I’ve seen anyway). As it goes with these kinds of movies, the story wasn’t so great. But obviously the story isn’t this movie’s selling point. Basically it’s a movie for guys (even though it’s a love story). It paints a picture perfect world where the average joe can get the girl of his dreams, make a name for himself, and become filthy stinking rich in a span of a single school year. Bottom line, its every high school senior’s dream (every guy’s dream for that matter). This movie is a love story that guys can watch without making them feel queasy.
All in all, it was a fun movie. It gave some pretty good laughs and it helped me pass the time

I just think there’s one flaw. No porn star is as hot as Elisha Culthbert man! If you’ve ever watched American porn, you’ll know where I’m coming from.

One thing though, why does my mom have a DVD of this movie? Hmmm…

Casting Call #1: The Sandman

I remember, in grade school and high school, reading a magazine (Wizard ata) that sometimes featured a bit where they would cast a movie they would want to see made (the movie was usually based on one comic book or another). Since I always thought it was a cool exercise, thinking of actors to play certain parts, and since now, I have somewhere to publish my opinions, I decided to make my own bit.

As you can see in the title of this post, my current “wish movie” is the Sandman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Sandman (meron pa ba?), it’s a graphic novel by writer Neil Gaiman (Stardust, Neverwhere, American Gods) which focuses on Dream/Morpheus and his quest to find meaning to his existence (this is what I think anyways). He is a member of the Endless, seven siblings who have existed since the beginning of time, each of them embodies one thing that makes humans human. So below is a “casting call” for the Endless. I would’ve liked to “cast” more of the characters (daming cool characters sa series na ‘to e.g. The Corinthian, Cain, Abel etc…), but doing so would take too much of my time (and my time is very valuable… ha!).


Movie: The Sandman

Director: Tim Burton
-Tim Burton is the obvious choice, his style and aesthetic fits perfectly with The Sandman’s often times, dark and surreal world. I think Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins) would do a good job too.

Dream/Morpheus: Johnny Depp
-I think he’s the only one who can play Dream. Johnny Depp can play stoic characters like Edward Scissorhands, he can be introspective like his character in Sleepy Hollow he can be savvy-cool like Jack Sparrow or weird like Willy Wonka. He has enough range to play the often times unpredictable Dream. Plus, if Tim Burton is aboard, you gotta have Johnny Depp right!? They go together like bread and butter, like lamb and tuna fish!

Destiny: Christopher Lee
-He played the White Wizard Saruman, Count Dracula, Count Dookoo and most recently Willi Wonka’s dentist dad. How hard could it be to play a guy in friar’s robes who mostly just stands around looking cool? In fact, almost anyone can play Destiny. I just chose Christopher Lee ‘cause he’s in 2 Tim Burton movies this year (Chocolate Factory and Corpse Bride). If he doesn’t want the role, you could always get the guy who plays Darth Sidious/ Emperor Palpatine in the Star Wars Movies…

Death: Keira Knightley
-Death is almost everyone’s favorite character in the series, kaya tingin ko marami ang ‘di mag-a agree sa choice ko. Why Keira Knightley? Why not? Dye her hair black and make it curly. Make her skin pale. Give her the outfit; Black Sleeveless top, leather pants and boots, the ankh necklace and that cute cooky top hat. Finally, give her the henna-like-design tattoo under her left eye and you got the perfect Death! Plus Keira Knightley is totally hot (I love her cute English accent too)!

Destruction: Triple H
-Who better to play a muscle bound, long haired, bearded man than a wrestler? Triple H looks the part! Since he’s a wrestler, he can most probably act decent enough too (Triple H was in the movie Blade Trinity, didn’t watch the movie though ‘cause a lot of people said it sucked big time).

Desire: The chick that played Angel Gabriel in Constantine
-Dammit! I forgot her name! But the girl (she also plays the White Witch in the Chronicles of Narnia) who played the androgynous Angel Gabriel in Constantine seems perfect. I’ve never been a fan of how Desire looks in the comic book. She/He has never looked… umm “Desirous”. If you have a name like Desire, you should be totally hot right? Oh well Rockwell.

Despair: CG character voiced by Helena Bonham Carter
-Despair is a little gray, obese woman with lots of scars (plus she practically has nothing on). I think using a real live actor to play her would be super gross! Go the Gollum/Smeagol route to get a faithful adaptation of Despair. Why is she voiced by Helena Bonham Carter? Uhh… because Tim Burton is directing the movie and he probably can’t resist casting his real life wifey.

Delirium: Dakota Fanning
-I know she’s probably too young to play this role, but Hollywood movie magic can rectify this problem. Aside from her age, I think she has what it takes as an actress to play the crazy-insane Delirium.

Mike the Immature Man

A few weeks back, I met up with a couple of my friends from high school for dinner. While we were being boisterous, rude and irritating to the rest of the diners, one of my friends brought up a hypothetical question to be answered by the rest of the group. So here’s the question;

If you and the girl of your dreams were a couple, what do you imagine yourselves doing together?

Each of us gave our answers. One said, talking together, another said watching T.V. together, another said eating together… After hearing their answers I thought “What the hell is wrong with you people!?” Hypothetically speaking, the girl of your dreams is madly in love with you and the things you imagine yourselves doing are eating (probably at jollibee), surfing the tube (watching Darna) and having a conversation (about the philosophy of ethics I bet)?! After telling them off for being such lame losers, I gave MY answer.

I would imagine us making out.

It’s as simple as that. In my mind, Jessica Alba and I (or that cute girl who lives a couple of blocks down) would be making out. We would be kissing, smooching, snogging. frenching, getting to 2nd Base (or is it 3rd base?) in a setting of my choosing. Get the picture?

I couldn’t believe a heterosexual male in his right mind would think of something otherwise. Eating, watching T.V., and talking? Give me a break! So I tell them, “maybe you’re just telling the first part of your fantasy”. Maybe you and the girl of your dreams are eating, watching T.V. or talking THEN you start making out.

I could just imagine myself and Natalie Portman having dinner. We are eating. We both reach for the salt. Our fingers touch. We look at each other, both take deep breaths… and it happens. Utensils are flying through the air, plates and glasses crash to the ground breaking into pieces. Then the cheesy saxophone music starts to play.

Apparently not. They denied my accusation vehemently. According to them, it’s just eating, watching T.V. or talking. Period.

After, a few more minutes of heated argument, the guy who posed the question announced that the hypothetical question was a test, a test of emotional maturity. According to him, imagining situations WITHOUT sexual content was a sign of maturity.

I failed. According to the test, I AM AN EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PERSON. The rest of my friends (the mature ones) then gave me the ha-were mature and your not-triumphant look. Shit.

I still don’t buy it dammit! What’s the validity of that freakin’ test anyway!? Is it an approved test given by psychiatrists (“Oh, you imagined something sexual in nature, sorry sir, you’re immature. Have a nice day”)?!

I bet it’s even the same for women. Question for the girls; if you and Josh Hartnett (or Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt or whoever) were a couple, wouldn’t you be imagining the two of you making out on some deserted beach as the sun is going down?! Or at least some light kissing and snuggling in the back seat of a car!? Come on! You can’t be imagining you and Chad Michael Murray watching Sponge Bob Squarepants, eating at Burger Machine or talking about philosophy or politics!!

What do you guys think? Is it immature to imagine you and the girl/boy of your dreams making out instead of eating, watching T.V. or talking?

I, for one, think not!!!

If I Were...

In school last night, I saw a couple of my classmates answering some of those internet quizzes/tests. You know, the one’s were you answer a couple of questions, and in the end, you find out how much of a bitch you are, how gay you are or even which of the seven dwarves you are. You can then post the results in your blog for everyone to see!

The tests are fun and all, but I like to be in control of my on destiny thank you very much. I don’t want a couple of questions determining whether I’m a green or a blue or whether I’m Han Solo or Jar Jar Binks. So I say screw the test! With a little introspection, a little honesty and some stretching of the truth, I get to say who or what I am!

This is what I’m doing in this post. Below I have three results, sans taking the tests. I hope to continue this in future posts. Here we go!

1. If I were a character in the television show the O.C. I would be…


Seth Cohen

I’m egotistical and self centered (check). I love talking about myself and what I think (check). I talk too much (check again). I sometimes think I’m better than everyone else (check). I love to read and draw comics (check). I find myself irritated and intimidated by “jocks” (check dammit). I obsess over things and people (check). My ex girlfriends include the hottest girl in school and a bartender-slash-lesbian hottie with a tattoo (uhh… check?). I wish.

2. If I were a Television talk show host I would be…


Conan O’ Brien

Yep. I would be him. He’s got a sense of humor that most people don’t appreciate. His mannerisms make him hilarious, quirky and most of the time weird. At home, I’m the only one who thinks he’s funny. They (family) think he’s corny, uncouth and tactless and they hate his guts. They feel the same way about me hahaha!! Besides, who are the other choices in this category? Jay Leno (I don’t think he’s funny at all, and what's with his chin?)? David Letterman (he’s okay, kind of a DOM sometimes though)? David Schapel (sometimes funny)? Kuya Germs (oh hell no)?! Cut me some slack.

3. If I were a character in the Lord of the Rings I would be…


Legolas Greenleaf

Nope. It’s not what you’re thinking, Its not because he’s dashing, cool and is played by a blonde haired Orlando Bloom. Nope. That’s the movie version of Legolas. I’m the book version.

Yep. I’d have to be this guy. I’m the guy in the group who bursts out in song every chance I get. I wonder why Aragorn, Gimli and the rest of the fellowship didn’t pummel him to death (“Taste Anduril you blasted elf!”). My friends don’t pummel me; they just put their hands to their heads and hide in shame…

Hanging around! Nothing to do but frown!
Rainy days and Mondays always get me DOOOOOWWWWN!!!

I love you Araneta!! Woohoo!!!

3 Chinese guys, A Filipino Dude, and a Girly Movie

This is sort of a sequel to my previous post. After a few hours of sleep (after the rights to royalty concert), I took a shower and headed to G4 at around 3 in the afternoon to meet Kabo, Tay and Tops (‘di nakasama c charles, team building ampota) to watch a movie and have dinner. We were supposed to watch Stealth, but I already watched it last Wednesday. So, we watched Wedding Crashers instead. I don’t know why we did it, after making the same mistake before (hitch). But there we were, 4 straight guys (3 chinese, 1 filipino), watching another girly movie.

Before we go further, I have to give my definition of a girly movie. According to the dictionary of mike the invincible man:

Girly Movie (aka chick flick): A movie about a love story between a guy and a girl. guy meets girl, guy and girl fall in love, guy screws up, guy loses girl, guy apologizes and confesses his undying love to girl (sometimes in private, but most of the time in front of a big crowd), guy gets girl and they live happily ever after.

Here are some additional characteristics of a girly movie that may or may show itself.
-guy has a quirky best pal
-girl has a quirky best pal
-weird parents
-bitchy girlfriend (for the guy)
-tough, obnoxious, sexist boyfriend (for the girl)



wedding crashers: On the invincible man’s scale of girlyness, this movie gets a 5.5 over 10.

Scale:
1 being a movie like Honey (Jessica alba), 5 being a movie like Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) and 10 being Crossroads (Britney Spears).

Anyway, the movie was okay. It was pretty funny actually (especially Vince Vaughn, love his rape/bondage scene). Owen Wilson was… well, Owen Wilson (he plays all the parts he plays the same way. In fact, I don’t think acts as all, he’s just himself in all his movies). Will Ferell makes a cameo. What is it with Vince Vaughn, Owen and Luke Wilson, Will Ferrel and Ben Stiller!? They keep popping up in each other’s movies… Though the story was predictable (very), all in all, I think the movie was good.

But, Wedding Crashers IS a girly movie, thus I couldn’t help notice the people watching it. In our isle, the sitting arrangement went something like this; guy, girl, guy, girl, guy, girl, GUY, GUY, GUY, GUY (that would be us), guy, girl… shit.

Bottom line is, I enjoy watching movies like Wedding Crashers, girly movies they may be, but they can be really fun. Its just that watching it with guys is so… unmanly. If there were a girl in a group (kahit na isa lng, romantic attachments unnecessary), it would be different, guys could then watch the movie, masculinity unquestioned.

Note to Self:
Next time, watch the girly movie like wedding crashers with a group that has a member of the opposite sex in it. That way, watching it will not make me feel uh… weird. Then, watch the macho man movie like Stealth with the guys, so we can be sexist jerks and stare at Jessica Biel in a teeny weeny blue bikini.