Mike the Immature Man

A few weeks back, I met up with a couple of my friends from high school for dinner. While we were being boisterous, rude and irritating to the rest of the diners, one of my friends brought up a hypothetical question to be answered by the rest of the group. So here’s the question;

If you and the girl of your dreams were a couple, what do you imagine yourselves doing together?

Each of us gave our answers. One said, talking together, another said watching T.V. together, another said eating together… After hearing their answers I thought “What the hell is wrong with you people!?” Hypothetically speaking, the girl of your dreams is madly in love with you and the things you imagine yourselves doing are eating (probably at jollibee), surfing the tube (watching Darna) and having a conversation (about the philosophy of ethics I bet)?! After telling them off for being such lame losers, I gave MY answer.

I would imagine us making out.

It’s as simple as that. In my mind, Jessica Alba and I (or that cute girl who lives a couple of blocks down) would be making out. We would be kissing, smooching, snogging. frenching, getting to 2nd Base (or is it 3rd base?) in a setting of my choosing. Get the picture?

I couldn’t believe a heterosexual male in his right mind would think of something otherwise. Eating, watching T.V., and talking? Give me a break! So I tell them, “maybe you’re just telling the first part of your fantasy”. Maybe you and the girl of your dreams are eating, watching T.V. or talking THEN you start making out.

I could just imagine myself and Natalie Portman having dinner. We are eating. We both reach for the salt. Our fingers touch. We look at each other, both take deep breaths… and it happens. Utensils are flying through the air, plates and glasses crash to the ground breaking into pieces. Then the cheesy saxophone music starts to play.

Apparently not. They denied my accusation vehemently. According to them, it’s just eating, watching T.V. or talking. Period.

After, a few more minutes of heated argument, the guy who posed the question announced that the hypothetical question was a test, a test of emotional maturity. According to him, imagining situations WITHOUT sexual content was a sign of maturity.

I failed. According to the test, I AM AN EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE PERSON. The rest of my friends (the mature ones) then gave me the ha-were mature and your not-triumphant look. Shit.

I still don’t buy it dammit! What’s the validity of that freakin’ test anyway!? Is it an approved test given by psychiatrists (“Oh, you imagined something sexual in nature, sorry sir, you’re immature. Have a nice day”)?!

I bet it’s even the same for women. Question for the girls; if you and Josh Hartnett (or Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt or whoever) were a couple, wouldn’t you be imagining the two of you making out on some deserted beach as the sun is going down?! Or at least some light kissing and snuggling in the back seat of a car!? Come on! You can’t be imagining you and Chad Michael Murray watching Sponge Bob Squarepants, eating at Burger Machine or talking about philosophy or politics!!

What do you guys think? Is it immature to imagine you and the girl/boy of your dreams making out instead of eating, watching T.V. or talking?

I, for one, think not!!!