Konyo Speaking Lunatic

(Note: This post will be written in konyo, thus logic and proper grammar are thrown out the proverbial window)

For the last couple of days, my peeps and I started speaking in konyo. I don’t know why, maybe we thought it was cool kasi eh, that the chikababes really dig guys who make usap like a couple of airheads…

Anyway, JM, Xtiane and yours truly were at school yesterday cuz we like, had our proposal. OMG, it was like so olats! The panelists were like blocking the flow of our water! You know what that means ryt? They were like making bara everything we said! I was like so asar talaga!!! How was I supposed to know that you can’t make basa the RFID tag thingy when it’s made dikit to bakal? Duh!?

After the proposal, I was bad trip to max. Then, I got more badtrip cuz I wanted to eat dinner na but JM and Xtiane wanted to play a game of chess! I was so mad, kasi they like don’t know how to play that game naman. They were just like making usog usog the chess pieces randomly. I thought to myself; “OMG, my friends are like posers…”. Eventually, they got frustrated enough, kasi one of them, can’t remember who, made kalat the chess pieces in the middle of the game. So we were like able to have dinner na. About time!

The three of us had dinner at Chiggy’s with Jamie. I started to get badtrip again cuz the tagaluto was taking so long cooking my super delicious liempo. My Gawd, how long does it take manong to make ihaw the meat ng baboy ba!? Then JM met a friend of his pa, and he thought I was a girl?! He said puro chicks daw ung kasama ni JM. That really leveled up my badtripness. WTF, I’m like totally manly kaya! After the long wait, we eventually got to eat na. When I was busog na, I wasn’t that badtrip anymore. JM wanted to drink beer to celebrate the end of the Sem daw. But I didn’t have money na… there was like twenty pesos in my wallet nalang. Buti nalang he had a preferential option for the poor and made me utang money so I can drink beer din. Yipee!

So we made sakay the tricycle and went to meatshop to chill and have a few beers. Jamie didn’t come with us na cuz it was like late na daw. Party pooper! So we had a round of beer. Then another. Then one more pa daw. After the third round, we were like laughing so loud na. We were like talking about anything under the buwan already. We were like in character pa ha… talking like konyos with the accent ‘n all. I think the peeps in meatshop were looking at us funny na. Why? Haven’t they seen and heard konyo people talk before ba? Posers… But I was surprised ha… JM had more than 2 beers last night. Usually kasi after his second beer he like goes to sleep on the table na. That night he had 4! Xtiane and I had like 5 beers. Then we ordered our sixth, but Xtiane couldn’t finish her sixth beer na. I was like so disappointed with my drinking buddy. So she offered me the rest of her beer nalng, since I’m so macho I said I’d finish both my beer and hers. But I didn’t get to prove my machoness kasi they wanted to go home na. sad…

We took a taxi and dropped JM off were he can make sakay a jeep going to Cubao. I told Xtiane that instead of getting down near my place, I’d make sabay until her house to make sure she got home safe and sound. I’m such a gentleman kasi eh. During the ride home, I thought naklimutan ko ung glasses ko… I was like “OMG Xtiane, I think I left my glasses ah…”. Then I felt my face, I was like wearing it na pala. Haha. Because of that I think Xtiane realized I was drunk narin so she said she could get home by her self na and that she would just text me nalng when she got there. I said yes, I really wanted to be macho and make hatid her pa but I was like sooo sleepy na. As in sleepy talaga. I was able to get home safely naman, and before I made higa on my bed, I made basa Xtiane’s txt that she was in her house narin.

Writing this post shaved off 10 IQ points. I think I’m going to give writing AND talking like a konyo (AKA stupid moron) a rest. When do I start? Like now na noh! XD