Mike the Embarrassing Man

The Ateneo has its share of celebrities; students who stand out from the rest because of their extra curricular involvements in showbiz, music, sports (specifically basketball) etc. You can walk down the SEC corridors and chances are, you’d suddenly be going “Isn’t she the girl from the _______ commercial?” or “Sha ung front man ng _________ diba?”. You’d probably do a double take, think about asking for an autograph, THEN think better of it and just mosey along to your class or somthin’. That’s how most people’s encounters with celebrities in the Ateneo usually are. Sadly, I’M NOT MOST PEOPLE.

I, being the tactless sunnava a-hole that I am, sometimes take the embarrass-myself-in-front-of-the-celebrity road (Note that this road runs parallel to the piss-off-the-celebrity route, but not always). During my prolonged stay in the Ateneo, I have had three REALLY embarrassing encounters with celebrities, here they are:

FIRST
Celebrities: Antoinette Taus and Dingdong Dantes
When: 1st Year College (M.E. pa ko nito… shit)
Primer:
Francis Amistoso (a.k.a Yuga. kick out ng ateneo 1st year! Ooh yeah!) and I are walking down quad 1 (malapit sa me dog house) when we spot Antoinette and Dingdong walking our way. Just as the pair passes us, this conversation takes place:

Yuga: Mike! Si Antoinette yun pare!!! Pa autograph tayo!!!
Mike: Gago!!! ‘Di mo ba nakikita!? Kasama nya si Dingdong!! Baka gulpihin tayo nun!!! Pintados yun eh!!!
Mike: (Imitating a Pintados action sequence punches Yuga in slow motion) Hu hu hu hu hu hu hu!!!
Mike and Yuga: BWA HAHAHA HAHAHA!!!

Apparently we were speaking a little too loud. ‘Cause when we looked back we saw the pair of them glaring at us. If looks could kill, well... i'd be dead (duh!)

SECOND
Celebrities: Epok Quimpo and Wesley Gonzales
When: 2nd year college. (Com Sci ako nito… wait Euro na ata… damn, can’t remember)
Primer:
One day, I decided to have lunch at manang’s, but when I got there, all the tables were taken. Buti nalang I saw my friend Darn sitting with some people (whom I assumed he didn’t know). So, I sat with him. The day before that, I watched a Mike Cortez led Green Archers basketball squad get a come-from-behind-victory over the UST Tigers. Dazzled by Mike Cortez’ god-like basketball skillz, I couldn’t talk to Darn about anything else but UAAP basketball. I can’t remember the stuff I said, but I know I used Mike Cortez, DLSU and these words in the same sentences:

Astig, Lupit, Lakas, Porma, No.1 Point Guard, Angas, Idol, Champion etc.

Of course, since we were talking about the UAAP, the Blue Eagles obviously came up as a topic of discussion. It was the first round of the 2002 season then, the disheartening loss in the finals of the previous season to our eternal rivals from Taft was still fresh in my mind, and despite the great line-up on paper the Ateneo team wasn’t doing well. Saying I was disappointed was an understatement. Again I couldn’t rememberwhat I said exactly, but I used Ateneo Blue Eagles and these words in the same sentences:

Olats, Bano, Mahina, Banban, chokers, walang laban etc.

It gets worse. After all that talk, this dialogue ensues:

Mike: Sana may trades sa UAAP pare…
Darn: Trade? Bakit naman?
Mike: Para makuha natin si Mike Cortez.
Darn: Eh sino naman ibibigay mo para kay Cortez?
Mike: (with out batting an eye-lash) Si Quimpo!!!

Just then, the person sitting adjacent to us got up to get some more rice or somthin’. Who was it? IT WAS EPOK QUIMPO!!! Wesley Gonzales was sitting beside him laughing his ass off!!! Darn and I ran out of there like bats out of hell! Apparently Darn was aware that we were sitting adjacent to the 2 bball players, apparently he was trying to steer the topic away from basketball the whole time. I had no Freakin’ clue dammit!!!

THIRD
Celebrity: Erwin Something (nakalimutan ko family name, basta ung guitarist ng Sponge Cola)
When: 6th Year College (ECE na ko nito. Sure)
Primer:
I have this habit of suddenly bursting out into song all of a sudden. One day, while enduring another boring lecture in my TH141 class, this habit of mine bit me in the ass.

Mr. Tehido: (Droning on and on about the merits of doing translation work) Blah blah. Blah blah blah blah…blah. Say Yes.
Class: Yeeeesssss…..
Mike: (Out of the blue, with a mini “head bang” comboed with some finger tapping) Kelangan pang pagbigyan! Kulang lang sa Pansi-hin!! Kulang lang sa, kulang lang sa pansin. Kulang lang sa….

Then I freeze… the fact that the guitarist of Sponge Cola is sitting 1 chair away from me hits me like a truck. I turn slowly towards him. He had this weird expression on his face, something like a cross between amusement and disgust. Kala nya cguro fan boy ako ng Sponge Cola (Sponger!). SO NOT TRUE!!! Shit…