Monday, October 29, 2007

Life is a Junkie


This is the first time I'm gonna write like this (and hopefully the last time too). I am going to be totally vague.

Life is a drug addict.

One day, everything is perfect. You feel better than you've been feeling in a long time. Life is good. And you think that the stupid grin on your face you see every time you look in the mirror is perfectly normal.

Then the next day, it crashes. The rose tinted window shatters. For some reason, you want to go out in the pouring rain, lift your face, raise both your hands and scream "Nnnnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!".

Off course, there are numerous metaphors out there that say the same damn thing. Like Ronan Keeting said "Life is a Roller Coaster", or Ate Charo from Maalala mo Kaya; "Parang Gulong ang Buhay".

But I find my description the most fitting right now thank you very much.

......



So there.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Scariest Toy... Ever

While passing through Megamall, I decided to window shop in Toy Kingdom to see the latest toys. What can I say, I just loooooovvvvvve toys!!! Weeeee!!!! Toy Kingdom is heaven to me. Paradise. My very own Ice Cream Land.

Anyways, while looking around, I came across, as the title of this posts states, the scariest toy EVER (disclaimer: at least to me)!!


For only 600 pesos, you can get your very own Chris Benoit, AKA "The Rabid Wolverine" AKA "Mr. I cross-faced my wife and son to death" action figure.

I can't believe toys of this guy are still being sold. Imagine going to sleep in your bed with a toy like this standing on your desk. (cue Chris Benoit music) Creepy man.

Unless they make Aikido Adolf (gas chamber sold separately), Stretch Sadam (with hang man rope) or Talking Osama (Push the button behind his back and here Osama say "Death to America"), this toy is the scariest toy I've ever seen

Friday, October 12, 2007

Mike's Top 5 Japanese Babes

Hello! Here's a list of, in my opinion, the 5 Hottest Japanese Girls. Why make a list? Well, because I've got nothing better to write about since I've been living the life of a hermit in Laguna for the last two weeks (because of work) and because posting pictures of Hot Girls is number two in my list of the top three cool things to do when you're bored out of your mind. If you must know, number three is twiddling my thumbs and number one is surfing through youtube (while twiddling my thumbs, 'cuz my net is like soooooo bagal). Anywayz... enough of that! On with the List!

Number 5: Some Girl (Dunno her name, and I'm too lazy to look it up, but she's Rei from Proposal Daisakusen).
Mike's Stereotype: The Cutey

The only reason why you don't hate the living shit out her character in Proposal Daisakusen is because she's so darned cute. While watching the show, I ask myself; Why the hell is Kenzo (mr. protagonist) hopelessly in love with such a dense, inconsiderate, selfish girl?" Then she gets some camera time and smiles... The question vanishes into thin air.

She's number 5 because she has a cute smile and she can make a lot of cute silly faces (haha. parng anime).


Number 4: Horikita Maki
Mike's Stereotype: Ms. Virgin-Mary-Appeal

I didn't think Horikita Maki was "all that" before, probably because i'm not really in to the virgin mary thing. Then I saw her in Hanakimi (jdorama), then I became a fan. Maki is on the cute side of the babe coin (the other side being the "hot" side). That's why i'm a little surprised with the photo i got of the internet above, but i'm not complaining =).

Maki exudes this im-innocent-&-I-never-had-a-boyfriend-but-i'm-now-old-enough-so-i-want-one look.

Maki is number 4 because she's like your bestfriend's cute younger sister who has a crush on you, but if you do anything, said bestfriend would beat the crap out of you.


Number 3: Maria Ozawa
Mike's Stereotype: The Girl Next Door

When I first saw Maria Ozawa, I was like "Holy Sh*t, is that girl really a porn star!?" Then she takes her clothes off and starts doing some lucky japanese sunnavabitch. Damn. I remember i wrote a post about the movie "The Girl Next Door" (starring another hot babe Elisha Cuthbert) a few months back. I remember saying that the only drawback of that movie was that it wasn't believable because no American Porn star is as hot as Elisha Cuthbert. I guess that fact is not true in Japan. She can be my girl next door anytime.

Maria is number 3 because you'd be dying for her to go out with you, even though she's a hard core pornstar. Heck, you'd introduce her to your friends and family without being the least bit ashamed.... Ok, you'd probably LIE to your parents, but still....


Number 2: Kimura Kaela
Mike's Stereotype: The Rocker Chick

I first saw Kaela on Music Station (the jpop show on animax), she was wearing some teletubby looking costume (apparently she was supposed to be an alien or something) and I thought she was kinda cute. Now, if I thought she was cute wearing something like that, what more if she was out of it? I looked her up (in youtube where else) and after watching a couple of clips, I realized she was something like Madonna. Ok, wait, let me explain. No, she's not 40, and no, she doesn't kidnap babies from Africa. She constantly reinvents herself. Sometimes, she's normal (like the photo shown above), sometimes she shaves her head, sometimes she shaves just half of her head. She colors her hair purple. She wears, crazy clothes (like the alien suit and bee suit) etc.
But in all those "disguises", she still looks great!

Kaela is number 2 because she's a Rocker Chick who can still be cutey-cutey (like Rei, my number 5). She can wear silly things, look silly and act silly and still be beautiful. Since she's a rocker chick, she has that "one of the boys aura". Finally, I like her music, now if girls can soil their panties for an ugly bastard like Rico Blanco just because he has some cool songs, can't i go gaga over Kalea (even though she sings in Japanese and i have no idea what she's saying)?


Number 1: Leah Dizon
Mike's Stereotype: The Goddess


Technically, Leah shouldn't be part of this list since she's not Japanese. But since she's based in Japan and since it's MY list, I'll do whatever the hell I want!

Leah Dizon was actually a part time model based in Las Vegas. She's Half American and Half Filipno (yep). She ended up in japan because she kept a blog where she uploaded some of her pictures, and it received a LOT of hits from japanese fans. Some of them suggested she move to japan, so she did! The first time i saw her, i was instantly reminded of Final Fantasy.

Brief backstory. To those of you who don't know, Final Fantasy is a video game (RPG to be exact). Because of the advances in computer technology, I 'd like to think of the characters in the recent Final Fantasy incarnations as the new greek marble sculptures (they look like humans, if humans were perfect).


That is until i saw Leah Dizon. She looks like something out of Final Fantasy. Which is to say she looks too good to be true.

Leah Dizon is Number 1 because she's my goddess. She has the kind of look that i really fall for. She can be cute, but she can also be hot. She can even be both at the same time.

A friend of mine, opinionated guy that he is, believes that Leah Dizon is (gasp I can't say it)... Ugly. The only thing i can say to this is that any person who thinks Leah Dizon is NOT pretty is either totally nuts.... or gay. Nuts or gay. You decide man.

Right Leah?


Yes Leah, I'd like a taste of.... Uh whatever it is you're holding.



Oh God.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

All Hail the Ping Pong King!

To those of you who don't know, i've recently taken up playing table tennis... As you can probably deduce from the title of this post...

I am a Bad Ass Ping Pong Mother F*cker!!!

Of course, there are always nay sayers, who at first don't believe my seemingly ridiculous claim...

Take, i don't know, Fred Tay, for example...

Just this afternoon, Fred Tay had the audacity to challenge me at ping pong...
Needless to say, i beat the crap out of him with my spectacular backhands, amazing forehands and awe inspiring slices. He didn't even win one game against me. Believe me, he tried, we played more than 6 or 7 games, each ending in his utter and absolute defeat.

Because of my awesomeness... i have decided to associate myself with the following titles:

1. Ping Pong King (as stated in the title)
2. Bible of Ping Pong
3. Master Ping Pong (must be said with a chinese kung fu movie accent)
4. The Champ
5. Ping Pong Ninja
6. The Long Haired Warrior
7. Bitmicro's Black Flash

Hmm... eto lng naisip ko for now.

Ping Pong is now added to the list of things that mike is superior to fred.

Yeah!

I think i should take up badminton next. But first, i have to get rid of my habit of laughing my ass off when anyone mentions the word shuttlecock.

hahaha.

shuttlecock. shuttlecock.
hahaha. hahaha.

shuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecock
shuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecock.shuttlecockshuttlecock
shuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecock
shuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecockshuttlecock

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Reopening Soon!!!

Hello True believers!!!

I just want to announce to all my fans that I, Mike the Glorious, will resume regular publication of my fantastiglorious writings very soon!!!

So, throw away your self help books (i.e. the purpose drive life of a rich dad) and unsubscribe from your filthy porn websites (or send the username and passwords to michaelandia@gmail.com)... you can again waste your time reading about stuff that i feel is vital to the survival of the human race.

you know... stuff like comics, books, movies, proof of the existence of god, existentialism the meaning of life, me, porn, me, jem and the holograms, me, the indigo girls, me, hermione granger's boobies, me, kevin's bacon, combatron, mark lapid's banana and of course much much more!!!

So stay tuned citizens of michaelandia!!!

p.s.
based from my previous entries, about six people read my blog... so,
to those of you who are reading my blog because you got a shameless plug from y.m. or something... i beg your forgiveness.







NOT!!!!